Tonight on the local news there was a story about a man who threatened his wife with a chainsaw during a fight about trimming an apple tree. She fought him off with a plastic rake and called the police.

In another story, local residents reported smelling smoke and scientists (you know, those people who roam around with name tags that read “they”) said it was actually coming from Minnesota. I’m a bit vague on my geography west of the Mississippi, but I’m fairly certain that’s not next door to Michigan.

First I have to say that I love living in an area where these two items count as news.
Second, while many might marvel at the first story, many married people were just nodding when they heard it. Really? Trimming a tree? What were the real issues? She has an opinion about everything and felt the need to share it as he was hacking away at the tree and he finally snapped? Or he’s a control freak who decided to take after the tree and she, a meek little thing, finally decided to stand up to him? Or it was just a stupid argument and he forgot he was wielding a chainsaw and she forgot she was holding a plastic rake? Stupid arguments about stupid things that get stupider.

Third, tell me how you can not be an environmentalist in this day and age. Michiganians smelling smoke from a fire in Minnesota. If the smoke can get here, what else can? We have Asian carp in the Great Lakes, for goodness sakes! Don’t even get me started on climate change.

The next story I heard was not amusing. A police officer strangled a woman who was eight-months pregnant. Her body was found at a shooting range. What happened here? What happened to the protective instincts that tell members of a species not to kill those bearing the next generation? I’m sure when the story is told, in a court of law, it will be tragic. It will certainly be incomplete because the woman will never get to tell us about it from her side.

So when my four year old came in, I had no problem changing the channel to PBS and watching animated animals teach science lessons.
They have yet to brandish any weapons.