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We were just watching Modern Family and I was laughing my ass off at Cameron. That got me started thinking about the polarization of attitudes in this country about homosexuality. There are those who are like “eh” and shrug their shoulders. It’s the equivalent of saying someone’s favorite color is yellow. Then there are those who think that homosexuality is a grand conspiracy to break down western civilization (because everyone knows there are no homosexuals in any other cultures). Many of those people voted for Rick Santorum today.

Why has Cameron helped make homosexuality ok to come into your living room every week? Because he’s not sexual. Tonight he was making eyes at Gloria’s ex, but it was funny, not sexy.

And that’s the problem.

Most people in the world fall into the category of people whose sex lives I don’t want to think about.

When we identify people by their sexuality, we immediately bring their sex lives into the forefront. I don’t look at Newt Gingrich and think heterosexual right off the bat. Because I don’t want to ever think about Newt Gingrich naked. Ever. Sorry, Newt.

For those in the heterosexual majority, we don’t have to identify “that” way unless someone confuses us for a homosexual. Just like white people aren’t usually identified as white. White is the given. Anything else is what needs to be identified.

So to even the playing field, I’m thinking we need to broaden the spectrum for heterosexuals. I’m a lazysexual. I’m a onceaweeksexual. I’m a selflovingsexual. Then we can all be equally grossed out by thinking about other people’s sex lives. Unless we’re talking to Colin Firth or Daniel Craig. Then bring it on.

Don’t even get me started on LGBT. Especially the B. Unless it’s in front of Newt Gingrich.