- PMS paints everything with a nice gray glow. See a red door? It’s not red. It’s dirty pink. Now paint it black.
- Shaving my legs in the shower today, I nicked my ankle, for the second day in a row. Reaction? What kind of an idiot nicks herself two days in a row? An idiot with obviously fat ankles. Gotta love the positive outlook of PMS.
- I bawled twice yesterday, once while watching Five People You Meet in Heaven (the end scene, ok?) and once while listening to LeAnn Rimes. Then today I had to run away from a volunteer signing up organ donors when she told me she was alive because somebody donated a kidney. Jesus, PMS should be sponsored by fricking Kleenex or Puffs.
- Is this what it’s like to be emo? No wonder they wear black and look so miserable.
- I did not get to say good morning to my youngest daughter today and it felt like my heart was dripping from my chest. I realized this morning I am a vampire sucking life from my daughter’s youthful buoyancy to keep myself afloat. Then I realized Disney knows this, hence all of the evil middle-aged villainesses. Ahhhhhhgggghhh! My feminist core shriveled a little more.
- I read a blog this morning about a little girl with a genetic disease who passed away on Monday and, instead of making me sad, it pissed me off that her parents were writing little posts from this child about wanting to go to baseball games. What kind of a jaded monster am I? Then I donated to www.fightsma.org because everybody should live long enough to write their own bucket list.
- I look like I’m three months pregnant. This (mostly) happened while I was sleeping. Thank you, water retention.
- The world is going to hell. I am powerless to change it. And in two days, I’ll be contributing my life’s blood to the core of the Earth, which pulls it from me in streams and globs. Yes, that’s gross. Menstruation is gross, people. Damn gross.
- Happy Friday to those of you MFs not PMSing.