I have been neglecting this blog. There are multiple reasons.
1) I re-read some of the early posts and was ashamed at how selfish and angry I was. Publicly.
2) I no longer wanted to focus on my woes as a stepparent, but that was part of the blog’s title.
3) I have been angry and selfish for different reasons and, unlike being a maligned stepparent, there is no human figure to rage against and railing against life or God or nature in a blog seemed very, very lame.
I love the whole idea of Daoism. I have trouble reminding myself of it in a convincing way when things are going badly. So keep in mind that I aspire to be the water going around the rocks rather than the jackhammer trying to crush them, but that I often behave first like the jackhammer, then try to flow like the water after I have to time to breathe and reflect. So I bitch, then take it back or put it in context later.
Has anyone noticed that home school moms all seem to have their own blog? And that they accumulate huge numbers of followers? What is going on with that? Yes, it is amazing that you are able to stay home with your children all day and not be pharmaceutically treated. Or an alcoholic. Or an inspiration for a character on Weeds. But I am seriously considering starting a new blog that chronicles the adventures of a working mom trying to stay sane and meet everyone’s expectations while NOT being counter-cultural. Or are there blogs like that out there and I just do not have time to find them because I am busy working and raising my family and being some sort of wife and being something worthwhile outside all of those job descriptions?
Either way, I am going to try to confess to this blog more often. Maybe weekly. I am sure my 34 followers have long since forgotten they followed this blog or they have set it to auto-delete when the emails show up. Maybe I will woo them back by the occasional interesting post. If 1500 people can like a blog that rambles about changing diapers and trying to discern God while canning vegetables and baking organic non-GMO bread, there is hope for any one blog. Right?