Am I ever glad Freshly Pressed finally freshened up! Ah, the power of a little-known blog🙂
Now I can read about what I should be doing with my life, why Google Reader is the best social network, and I can see pics of the Northern Lights that I missed two days ago because I was too busy blogging.
On that note….
Why I’m Stuck with the 10 Things I Must Let Go Of Today.
Guilt. I’m Catholic. A convert even. I chose guilt and now we are in an inseparable union. Check it. The Catholic church does not dissolve those kinds of bonds. Unless you go through a helluva pile of paperwork. I’ll get started on that next week.
Negative thinking. I’m the descendent of German Mennonite farmers. There’s not an Optimist Club member in the bunch. I have tried, but it’s genetically impossible. Like growing bigger breasts. Ain’t gonna happen with this DNA.
Need for approval. I’m the first born. Every move I made was examined and praised, celebrated. I’m not complaining. It was awesome. I took in approval quicker than breast milk. And approval has continued to reward me. My parents continue to praise me. My teachers continued to praise me. My coworkers and boss continue to praise me. If I were to quit praise, I would need some chemical subsitute, which does not meet with societal approval. Closing the loop here.
Anger/Heartbreak. I’m a stepmother and have been for 17 years. Show me someone who has dealt with that mixed up bag of emotional blackholes and who doesn’t suffer from anger/heartbreak and I’ll show you someone who has found a chemical substitute for praise and broken the loop on needing approval. There’s another list of 10 that applies to them.
Fake friends. Can’t let these go because I don’t have any. I revel in the fact that my friend count is small. I can say it’s an elite group and that gains me the approval of those in the group and lessens my heartbreak over having fewer Facebook friends than my archnemesis, whose friends must be fake because come on……
Procrastination. I’m in a hurry, so I’ll answer that one later.
Envy. That’s just un-American. If I don’t envy my neighbors and desire the material possessions they have, I’m not motivated to do my part to reenergize the economy. I don’t covet my neighbor’s wife or his donkey, so I think I’m covered with the commandments. Envy is in the process of becoming a recognized Olympic sport, so I’m holding out for when I can compete for the gold and win approval from millions for my advanced skills in envying.
Self-doubt. I’m an introvert, crave approval, envy those around me, deal with anger/heartbreak/insecurity issues stemming from my liminal position as stepmother, and I’m a middle-aged woman in a culture that fetishizes thirteen year olds and defines women first by their appearances. Best of luck on that one.
Limitations. If I tried something beyond my comfort zone, I might fail, and failure contributes to self-doubt, anger/heartbreak, guilt, and does not meet with approval. This is just vicious. I’d try to come up with a wittier analysis, but I’m just not bright enough.
Time. Sorry, but this one is a socially agreed upon reality. I can’t make today Sunday no matter how hard I try. And I’ve tried. I could try to live like it were Sunday, but I’d probably end up fired and/or committed. And I’d have to feel guilty for skipping church on two days of the week rather than just one.
I love all of these ideas, but, absent a year to eat myself happy in Italy, pray myself happy in India and love myself happy on some Pacific island, I’m stuck with just accepting who I am, forgiving myself for it, and ceasing the endless need for overhaul of my entire being. Today no less.